Seeing as there are less than 2 weeks until August 1, and seeing as there has been really no change in my wrist, I had a chat with my program director today and arranged to do another research month (with call, of course) for August. She was very supportive and good about the whole thing, not that she really had a choice. I don't know what I was expecting: maybe she would throw me out of the program because I obviously am not cut out to be a surgeon, or maybe she would force me to start GI anyways and ruin my hand for good? Yeah, not very logical, I know. But I was expecting it to be a bigger deal than she made it out to be. Praise the Lord that it wasn't. So I have another month to see where this goes, and in the meantime am working away at 2 different research papers, both of which are on very publishable topics, so that will look good for the program, anyways.
I met with the plastic surgeon on Monday and we're going to try one more injection - I'll getting that next Tuesday. I'm really hoping it'll work. There's a good chance it will, since the last time I got the injection it made my hand feel normal within about 3 days - I just started operating again too soon. So I'm hoping that this will work the same way and that if I take it easy for August, everything will be fine. If not, I'll definitely be getting one or two more opinions about it, because his only other solution was to do surgery on my hand. In fact, that's what he wanted to do this time - I had to talk him into giving the injections one more try.
I know I'm a surgeon (or will be one), but I don't like the idea of anyone operating on my hand. I think it would be different if it were my appendix or my gallbladder, but this is my right hand we're talking about - my life as I know it kind of depends on having a functional hand with good dexterity. Surgery might be fine, but what if it's not???? I don't want to think about it. If it comes to that, I guess I'll just have to take a deep breath, pray hard, and go for it, but I'm not ready for that just yet. That would also mean taking a leave of absence from residency for a few months, probably, and then adding a few months on to the end (in 2011!). Yeah, not too appealing, though I suppose in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter that much.
One thing's for sure: I'm gaining the perspective that comes from being at the other side of the doctor-patient relationship. It's been said over and over that doctors make bad patients. I can see why. I'm impatient and want an answer NOW, and am frustrated, etc. It's sure giving me a new appreciation for what people go through in the medical system (and I know this is nothing compared to what most people I work with go through!). I imagine I'll be a little more empathic in the future with my patients. Not that I'm a Dr. House or anything, but we can all use a little more compassion! (There I go with a TV allusion again - you'd think I watch a lot, I really don't!)
